Smaller Than Selma

So. Young.

2008-09-27T19:42:00.003-05:00

So I'm in the middle of a remodel, and I just stumbled upon my photo collection. I forgot how young I was once upon a time. As I was speaking to CDR about this on the phone, he reminded me that youth is wasted on the young.

I miss doing goofy things like running around nekkid on the beach. I reckon you're only young once, but still. I could be a little less cantankerous and a little bit more fun like I once was. Here's to having fun!

Can. Not. Wait.

2008-04-10T23:53:00.000-05:00

Dear God

2007-12-08T18:42:00.000-06:00

Dear God,

Please save us from your Mike Huckabee. I know he claims to be a big supporter of yours, but I've met him a few times and heard him speak, and I know he's just a bigot dressed as a preacher.

Mr. Huckabee thinks that AIDS patients should be quarantined, and that we shouldn't federally fund AIDS research. While this might be a good sound bite for the hang 'em high bigot crowd, you and I God, we know it's bad policy. He also wants to withdraw from the global market for food, which, well, where do I begin God?

The man is obviously an idiot who is no more capable of running this country than Bernie Ebbers would be running KPMG. To sum it up, God, please, please don't make me vote for Hillary Clinton.

Sincerely,

Me

Why Bush Sucks

2007-11-30T09:12:00.001-06:00

He doesn't believe in the free enterprise system:

WASHINGTON -- The Bush administration and major financial institutions are close to agreeing on a plan that would temporarily freeze interest rates on certain troubled subprime home loans, according to people familiar with the negotiations.

Full Article on front page of November 30 WSJ.

Yeah, it sucks that people didn't have the foresight to figure out how they were going to pay for their mortgages when their interest-only introductory adjustable rate mortgages reset to higher rates. That is NOT the government's problem. That's a private contract issue between the borrower and lender.

Because the government has intervened, people have learned that when they do something stupid, the government will bail them out. Also, this action is a slap in the face of those people who were responsible purchasers and bought houses they could afford. By not allowing stupid people to fail, the Bush administration has doomed us to repeat this cycle.

Japanese Hit By Mortgage Crisis

2007-11-28T07:28:00.001-06:00

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America and the run on Northern Rock in the UK, uncertainty has now hit Japan.

In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely be going for a song while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived.

Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

I Love Models

2007-11-19T08:19:00.000-06:00

They're beautiful when they pull off the entrance, the walk, the exit...

Fortunately for the rest of the world, these pillars of grace sometimes slip up. The result is beyond hilarious:

I'm BAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaCK!

2007-11-15T19:25:00.000-06:00

After a long dry spell, I've decided this space has been vacant long enough. Look for updates soon.

Now everyone give it up for the complex multi-talents of Ms. Siedah Garrett!

Separated at Birth?

2007-11-15T19:15:00.001-06:00

Britney Spears & Boy George

Bonus points if you can tell which one's which.

Reunion!

2006-08-14T23:50:00.000-05:00

WHEW!!

I'm on the way back from my class reunion, and, well, DAMN! It was fantastic to see everyone, amazing to be back in such a dynamic place and reassuring to be in the company of so many well-rounded, thoughtful and selfless individuals. Going back made me remember the important lessons I learned while in High School and taught me some new things:

1) The world does not revolve around the United States.

2) The United States has an incredible amount of influence around the world.

3) Friendship is the same in any country or culture worldwide. It is built on trust, respect and mutual assistance.

4) In spite of what our culture dictates, intelligent people are not "nerds". Intelligent people are both fun and worthwhile individuals.

5) An ounce of pretension is worth a pound of manure.

6) The combination of high IQs and booze is incredibly amusing.

7) Neither intelligence nor money will solve the problems of the individual.

8) Neither ignorance nor poverty will solve the problems of the whole.

9) Love is splendid.

10) Love is painful.

I'll post more later, but it was a damned good time!

4E

2006-06-26T09:19:00.000-05:00

If you're wondering why you haven't seen me update this page in a while, it's because I haven't been traveling much lately. You see, I've found it difficult to post without the forced sequestration one only finds at 38,000 feet. This post, I wish to introduce you to one of my best friends: 4E. Seat 4E is always there for me - simple, comfortable, nonjudgmental seat 4E.

4E and I like to get away together. We like to beat the sweltering Texas summers by heading to the West Coast - Seattle, Vancouver, Portland. In the winter months we'll head to Acapulco, San Diego, Ixtapa. When things are too straight at home, we'll head off to San Francisco. When things get too small, it's off to Chicago. New York has provided 4E and I many laughs, and much culture.

A more loyal friend you could never find. 4E is here whenever I need to be lost in solitude, but 4E is never jealous. He's always happy when I bring a friend along to keep his neighbor, 4F, company. 4E, as much as some people hate you and the AA Mad Dogs you're attached to, I won't ever betray you. I look forward to a long and flourishing friendship with you, 4E.

This is probably our last trip alone for a while - I hope you'll like my new companion, and I hope he grows as fond of 4F as I have of you.

rbSOL

2006-06-08T10:05:00.000-05:00

"Thank you for your interest in a postion with ReallyBigScary Bank. As you know, our applicant pool is highly competitive..."

Honestly, I was sort of expecting this. As such, I've been preparing. I've been evaluating my life, my friends, my job, etc. Honestly, what I come up with is pretty astounding. I have a rewarding job that allows me almost unparalelled security and flexibility, some truly amazing friends and a home with more personality than many people...

Am I disappointed? Yes. It's disappointing when you find out someone doesn't think you can do something.

Am I crushed? No. In spite of the extra money, I think my quality of life would have suffered significantly if I took the job with RBS.

At least they were incredibly solicitous when they turned me down. Maybe it's an English thing.

New Border Control Plan

2006-06-01T11:40:00.000-05:00

I think it will work, don't you?

HAHAHAHAHA! Just Kidding.

2006-05-26T13:21:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so you all knew I couldn't keep my ass in town for a whole weekend. I'm now comfortably ensconced in my seat headed for LAX. Why are you doing that, you ask? You thought I was staying home this weekend? And why LAX? Don't you abhor LA?

Let me 'splain. I'm only connecting in LAX on the way to Hawaii. See, I have a friend in Sydney (aka, the gayest town in the world), who recently came out to his family. They are not taking it well at all, and has no homo friends or support network, so he's having a pretty tough go of it.

We were speaking on the phone last night:

Him: [jokingly] "Damn, it would be so nice to just hang out with you for the weekend. Wanna meet in Hawaii?"

Me: "Yeah, that would be fun. Hold on a sec." [dialing] "Hello, American Airlines? What are the chances I could get a ticket to Honolulu tomorrow? Oh, and while you're at it, can you tell me who flies nonstop from Sydney to Honolulu? Thanks..." [returning to friend] "OK, I'm leaving at 8:55 and I'll be there at 3:20. You can fly up on Hawaiian Airlines leaving in about 4 hours and getting in at noon. Can you make it?"

Him: "You're joking."

Me: "Serious as a heart attack."

Him: "Well shit, mate. I was only kidding. [pause] What the hell. Let me call the airline." [returns] "OK, I'm booked. I cannot believe I'm doing this."

Me: "See you at 3."

So that's my story and I'm sticking to it. I'll be sure to take plenty of photos. I might even post a few...

Mahalo, Y'all!

Putting it in Perspective...

2006-05-25T10:47:00.000-05:00

So I was supposed to be going to London this weekend to pay an unannounced visit to ReallyBigScary Bank and see my Knight in Shining Armor; however, something happened on Tuesday that gave me pause. Bear with me whilst I explain.

I was coming back from St. Louis via DFW, and my flight came in just a tad early. There are flights from DFW - Austin every hour or so, so I booked it down to the gate the next flight was leaving from. Once there, I looked at the screen to see there were already 37 people on the standby list.

I very politely approached the gate agent, handed her my boarding pass for the next flight and asked if I could standby for this flight. She looked at my boarding pass, clacked away at her computer for a few seconds, then handed me a new boarding pass for the earlier flight that still had 37 standbys. "Here you are, Mr. Stratocade. You can board now, have a nice flight."

It was at that point a lady standing at the end of the counter came unglued: "I HAVE BEEN WAITING HERE FOR 2 HOURS, and you gave HIM a boarding pass when he just walked up? HOW CAN YOU DO THAT????" I was thoroughly embarassed, but the gate agent, completely nonplussed, clacked at her computer a second more and said: "Ma'am, this gentleman has already flown 128,000 miles with our airline THIS YEAR. We reward loyalty. If you flew with us as much as he does, you would get the same treatment."

That made me start thinking. With takeoffs, landings and connections, you could say I average 300 MPH when flying. That means I've been in airplanes & airports on just that airline 426 hours this year. That's the equivalent of just over 10.5 work weeks. In the air. Add in the other airlines I've flown, and you're up to roughly 12 work weeks. We have had 20 work weeks so far this year. I've been FLYING for the equivalent of 12 of those. That is truly obscene.

I then looked my hotel statements to see how much I've been gone this year. I've spent 109 nights in hotels so far. This is day 146 of the year. That means I've spent a whopping 74.65% of the year staying in hotels. Add to that the 7 red-eye flights I've taken and 6 nights I've stayed with friends and that means I've spent 83.56% of my nights away from home in 2006.

Add the hotel total and the in-aiport total, and you can see I haven't been home much this year. That's pathetic. My house is a wreck, my friends are mostly gone, and I'm not performing up to my usually high standards professionally.

It's time for me to step back and take a few weeks off the traveling roadshow.

Silence

2006-05-18T09:24:00.000-05:00

OK, since so many people have asked: I haven't heard anything back from ReallyBigScary Bank. They were going to be in touch with me by last Friday. That's obiously come and gone. I called yesterday (Wednesday). Left a message. Nothing.

I'm not discouraged though. They put time and effort into interviewing me, flying me out for a second interview, doing not-insignificant background research (I know they spoke to two of my previous employers). For that reason, I'm guessing I'll at least get a phone call advising me of their decision.

Time will tell.

Urban Renaissance?

2006-05-15T10:11:00.000-05:00

There was an opinion piece in today's Wall Street Journal decrying 'The Ersatz Urban Renaissance'. Since you have to log in to WSJ.com to view the article, I've excerpted text at the bottom of this post.

The basic tenet of the article is that larger cities are becoming so terribly expensive to live in, that it is impossible to find qualified candidates for mid-range jobs. Even while (or because) property values are increasing, businesses & population is fleeing to smaller cities and suburbs because it's hard to find people to work for $40,000/year in a city where the median home price is above $700,000. Ipso facto, most job creation (and therefore population growth) is taking place in lower-cost areas where the "middle class dream" is still within reach.

Because of the dearth of quality mid-range jobs, the folks who live in the largest cities have to either have really kick-ass jobs, or they have to want to be part of the intellectual and cultural percolation that takes place in the larger cities so badly that they're willing to give up many of the comforts they would have if they lived in less expensive locales. This sort of de facto selection process ensures for the most part, the people who live in the world's most expensive cities are exceptional in some way or another - or if not exceptional, at least capable of recognizing and appreciating exceptional people.

I want to be part of the intellectual and cultural percolation taking place larger and more expensive cities, but the difficult decision I'm facing is whether I am willing to give up my very comfortable life surrounded by some truly exceptional people for a less comfortable life surrounded by MANY exceptional people.

It's basically the same question I've been grappling with for months now. I thought i knew what I wanted, but as I see my friends who have moved away to more "fabulous" cities, I see the trials they're experiencing, and I think to myself: "Self, why the hell would you want to do that when you can just go visit on the weekends?" After all, it's not necessarily the day-to-day life that's all that great, it's the recreation that you're really moving for.

Since I have the resources and flexibility to be able to basically commute to fantastic places and visit the best of everywhere, why should I move?

For example, I can go to any of these cities on the weekends for the following:
Multi-cultural melee: London, New York
Dim Sum: San Francisco, Vancouver
Water: Vancouver, Seattle
Homos: San Francisco, London
Beaches: North Carolina, Florida
Pretention: Dallas

You get the point. So I'm asking myself why I would want to commit to one particular city when I can keep sampling the best of them all? It's not like I ever spend any amount of free time at home anyway.

I know it's going to be difficult to beuild any kind of stability as long as I'm jetting off every weekend, but do I really want to commit to a single place? It's sort of like dating: I guess you really have to fall in love with a place, warts and all, to want to build your life there. I haven't found that place yet. For that matter, I haven't found that person yet.

Guess who's coming to dinner?

2006-05-12T09:15:00.000-05:00

So Monday, I got a call completely out of the blue.

Him: "Hey man, it's Travis"

Me: Who the hell??? "Hey Trav - how're you?"

Him: "I'm great. Listen, I think we really need to hang out. How's dinner this week sound?"

Me: "Fantastic - I'm all over it. Call me Thursday and we'll pick a place."

Him: "Great - I'm looking forward to it.

Me: "Me too."

So I immediately did what any resourceful 'mo would do: I called a few of my friends who seem to know EVERYONE and said: hey, do you know a guy named Travis whose number is (123) 555-1212? First two friends didn't know him, but the third did.

So this is a guy I've been familiar with for 6-7 years, but to the best of my recollection, we've never spoken outside a bar or a party. Not sure how he got my number, but oh well. Dinner with a new friend (-or date?) is always fun.

FAST FORWARD:

Last night, I show up at the appointed place to meet this guy, and Jesus Christo - he's like the freaking Swan. We proceed to have an excellent time at dinner. He's a little bit of an odd bird, which is a good thing because I am as well. The difference is that he doesn't mind showing it. I could learn a lot from him.

So we had a great time at dinner, but the end was a little awkward for me because I still couldn't tell whether we were on a date, or whether he was just looking for someone new to hang with. We parted ways with a stilted hug and a goodbye.

Then we exchanged a flurry of text messages.

Him: "Wow - you're so engaging. I enjoyed myself immesely. We must do it again soon."

Me: "Well they don't keep me around because I'm pretty. I, too had a great time. We'll do it again very soon."

And on and on...

Whether it was a date or not, I'm glad I went. I now have either a new hottie friend or a new hottie prospect. Honestly though, I'd prefer the former.

Oh to be a fly on the wall

2006-05-09T11:15:00.000-05:00

You have to love this kind of American diplomacy: Snoop Dogg and his entourage were recently denied access to the British Ariways First Class Lounge at Heathrow, so they decided to start a "mini-riot", exiting the club and looting the duty free shops just outside (I presume this was the Terminal 1 Lounge Pavillion).

Now I'm a big guy, and I've spent a fair amount of time in that particular First Lounge, and the Dragons they have guarding the entrance would certainly be enough to intimidate me. Unfortunately not even cops with pepper spray, clubs and dogs were enough to subdue Snoop Dogg's group - reports say 7 police were injured by the louts.

Too bad the cops in the UK don't have a "shoot first" policy...

At least British Airways did the right thing by banning the entire group for life. Now if we could just get him banned for life from the USA.

That recalls another travelling story: I once was sitting just across from Russell Simmons & his wife on a flight from LAX to JFK. Once I realized who he was, I asked him how many cops I had to cap to become a rap star. He didn't think that was too funny. Of course, I don't think he's too funny, so I guess we're even.

UPDATE:

According to the BBC, Snoop Dogg got off with a mere warning. What a slap in the face to the police he & his gang injured, to the owners of the shops he looted and the employees of BA who had to deal with those louts.

OMATRIX

2006-05-07T13:49:00.000-05:00

I haven't been to Holland since I went with my parents at a very early age. That's pretty much as good as saying I've never been. I've always hear about how fantastic the country is, how friendly the people are, and, well, quite frankly, how incredibly easy it is to get laid. Any old weekend in a country full of over-sexed booze hounds promised to be fun. The Queen's Birthday weekend was bound to be one of the more pleasurable experiences of my life.

Upon my arrival, I proceeded immediately to my friends' place. It's about what I'd imagine a typical Dutch flat to be like. Second floor, nice & airy, nothing pretentious, lots of wood. We dropped our stuff off and made our way to the "Queens Day Eve" street party. The street the party is held on is pretty average and residential most of the rest of the year, but tonight it was filled with people celebrating. Someone, and I'm not entirely clear on who, puts a 6-story caricature of the queen or some other member of the Royal Family. This goes on the side of a building on this otherwise unassuming street. This year it was a poster of Princess Maxima as a club girl - I didn'take a picture, but I'll get one from someone else... I thought it was pretty cool of the Royal Family to be so tolerant - I'm not sure how Princess Anne would react to a similar send-up of her in the UK.

The girl we were staying with knew some guys who open their street-front home up to a sort of private party with a DJ and whatnot. That meant our Friday night party consisted mainly of drinking far too much Heineken, and dancing to a live DJ spin house music until the wee hours of the morning. The crowd was small at the beginning.

By the end of the night, however, we were rockin with the entirety of the street.

Upon our return to the flat, everyone passed out (well, everyone but Liam & I). Strangely, I felt 100% OK when I woke up, which was a very good thing since I had a morning event I HAD TO be at. It really was the morning event that was the cause for the trip. Fortunately the whole thing went off without a hitch, and was complete in time for me to make the afternoon boat cruise.

My friend Liam previously told me of the boat cruise. It consists of 50-60 movers & shakers in the Dutch party scene getting together and chartering a boat and a DJ to cruise the canals of Amsterdam all day drinking, dancing and having a generally debauched afternoon.

The canals are jam-packed with boats, but there were only 5-6 with DJs spinning. Little did I know our DJ was quite famous in Holland. So of course you can imagine my surprise when a smaller boat with 8 or so people pulled up next to us and began filming. Then two of the camera crew got on to our boat and filmed there.

Lovely. Apparently they were from the Dutch equivalent of MTV and were shooting a feature on the DJ spinning for us. So now I'm going to be on Dutch TV dancing my drunk patoot off whilst cruising around the Amsterdam canals. Not sure how I feel about that, but, well, what the hell.

After the boat party, we all went to a square for some fabulous dance party with Sasha (apparently a famous DJ) spinning everyone's favorite house tracks (do you see a trend here?). Sasha called in sick, so the whole crew I was with were quite bummed. I was actually secretly cheering whatever bug got into Sasha since I just wanted to have a nice dinner and call it a night. That's what we did.

Sunday was reserved for low-key hanging out, which was a perfect way to spend such a beautiful day. We went to a lovely little restaurant out in the countryside for brunch, then back to the city for some shopping at a street market. I found some cool clothes that were almost free (they were 5 Euros per kilo), Liam purchased some bits of Retro-Dutch decor, and my friends were content to browse.

Once it got dark (about 9:00PM), Liam and I went to have a nice, relaxed dinner, and then back again to the flat. Monday morning, we woke up and Liam drove me to the airport in our host's car. I'm now on my way home, marveling at the fact I managed to make it an entire weekend in Amsterdam without visiting either the Red Light District or a Coffee Shop. I find smoking pot to be positively cringeworthy, and, well, why bother going to the Red Light District if you don't have to pay??

Appropriately enough, I'm currently listening to the fantastic 90's hit "Back To Life". I love the random songs the computer picks out when it's on shuffle. Back to my workaday life. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that ReallyBigScary bank sees me as the kind of person to carry their team of bankers to soaring new heights. Cross your fingers.

How's the Weather?

2006-05-04T22:54:00.000-05:00

I just want to take a moment to share the weather here in scenic Texas. It's been in the high 90's and humid all damned week. Tonight, not two hours after sunset, we had a torrential downpour. Of course that was accompanied in the downtown/camus area by pinball-sized hail (yes, my car's roof somewhat resembles a golf ball).

Sometimes I hate the Texas weather; however tonight it proved to be fun enough to share the evening with others. We were all having fun until we hit a MUDSLIDE...

Note to the man upstairs: I enjoy life, I have a pretty damned cheery disposition and I don't get worked up about much. Therefore, please take this one gripe seriously: I HATE mud! HATE it! If you can do anything to make the rest of my life mud-free, I'd appreciate it. Amen.

Crimson Permanent Assurance

2006-05-01T16:38:00.000-05:00

What a hell of a weekend. I missed my connecting flight on the way out to the interview, which meant I got to spend a lovely afternoon in Chicago. Initially I was a little cheesed off about being stuck in Chicago, but it actually turned into a great day of me tooling around America's Second City revisiting some of the sites and recalling the fantastic experiences I've had there. I must say I love Chicago, but the weather has thus far been quite an effective deterrent to me relocating there.

On to the interview. Upon my arrival, I didn't even bother checking in to the hotel - there wasn't time. I just showered and changed in the arrivals lounge and hoofed it straight on to the interview. I must say that even though I hadn't had the benefit of a good night's sleep, I was looking quite dapper. Upon arrival I was immediately greeted by the VP who I'd be working for. We went round and round with pleasantries, he quizzed me on my schooling, why I wanted to go into banking, why I wanted to work at his bank, etc. etc. I answered him succinctly and with candor - none of my usual PR-oriented double speak. He seemed to be impressed by the aplomb with which I answered his questions. I'm just hoping my communication skills will compensate for my almost complete lack of experience. Time will tell.

After the formal interview, he took me around to meet some of the people I would be working with. They weren't the liveliest bunch to set foot on the planet, but they did seem friendly. The support staff were mostly about twice my age, which could present problems. Mr. VP left me in the hands of one of my potential future colleagues for lunch. We went to what he told me is the #1 hangout for people in this line of work. The suits would have given that away. We joined 4 friends of his from another firm. They razzed me about my choice of employers and told me I needed to come interview with a real bank, etc. etc. One gave me his card and told me to call. I laughed and took it just to be polite, but it seems to me it would be poor form to let yourself be sniped while on a lunch interview.

It was then back to the office for a quick round of goodbyes. VP had me back into his office to let me know he was very impressed and would be back in touch by mid-May, but not to accept any other offers without speaking to him first. I agreed and moved on.

Now that it looks like this may, indeed happen, I'm more excited than ever. I'm also more scared than I have been previously - what a huge change. I'm ready for it though.

Off to the airport now to meet my knight in shining armor. The balance of the weekend promises to be more fun than I've had in years. More on that story later.

A New Life for Me & A Bucket of Champagne for LuLu

2006-04-27T17:28:00.000-05:00

It's been a damned busy week at work, but that doesn't mean there hasn't been enough time for me to cause a stir. I'm currently traveling to an interview with ReallyBigScary Bank, Ltd. This job could open a very exciting new chapter in my life. I'm also excited at the prospects the new city could hold. Every time I'm there, I have a fantastic time and meet the most amazing people. My interview is tomorrow, and I'm feeling confident at the moment. In my estimation, if they've invested time & considerable expense to fly me back for a second interview, they must think I'm a worthwhile candidate. Hopefully they'll give me an acceptable offer and allow me enough time to exit my current employment situation without burning bridges. More on that story later.

So, true to form, I'm not content to simply have a Friday interview and let the rest of the weekend go to waste. After my interview, I'll be hopping over to meet some friends, including a former girlfriend of mine who is minor Dutch royalty. She's a truly stunning beauty, and she has a certain air about her that's almost indescribable. When she enters a room, she's almost floating. Her movements are so perfectly lubricated, you wonder if she might be a machine. She's appropriately aloof, yet welcoming, and she is a brilliant conversationalist. She manages all of these things without ever seeming to break a sweat. That's what's truly amazing about her. Every move, every word, every glance - they are always perfectly choreographed, yet she manages to make them look completely effortless. I sometimes think it would have been fun to marry her for at least long enough to find out her secret and have a royal title conferred. Viscount. I've always liked the sound of that.

So, here I go again - off to see the world. I'm sure I'll have lots of stories to share upon my return. I will, of course, be writing on the way back, or if time permits, while I'm there.

Nut Cuttin' Time

2006-04-22T10:51:00.000-05:00

So I heard back from one of the jobs I interviewed for last week. They want to fly me back for an interview. Now. Unfortunately, I can't just take two days off right in the middle of a special session... What to do.

If I go for this second interview, it will likely set the wheels in motion to take me away from Texas for good. I'm not sure whether I want that or not. I thought about it more, and I decided a 400% salary increase isn't enough by itself to make me leave. There has to be something more.

And there is. The more I think about it, the more I realize taking this job will move me away from the person I am today, and back to the person I was before returning to Texas. Then, I was an internationalist who savored a diverse group of friends and experiences. Now I'm very concerned with comfort & security - I've come to appreciate the anonymity and homogenization my current city provides.

I have a massive friend base in the city this job is in, so that's not a problem. I guess it's the prospect of returning to a much more intelectually challenging way of life I find rather daunting. The bar is currently set very low for me - it's not difficult to exceed expectations, both personally and professionally. If I take this job, I'll have to kick it up a few notches just to keep up.

It could be a very good thing for me to leave. I could challenge myself and end up being very happy. I could also fail.

N.B. For those of you who weren't in FFA (that's the Future Farmers of America, or "Ag", as some schools called it), that picture is of a pair of Burdizzos, which are what we used for castrating all manner of smaller barnyard animals. You gotta fatten them up somehow.

Oh NO you didn't, you honkey fool!!

2006-04-05T22:11:00.000-05:00

Even though she's not on Homeland Security, you know my woman Condi had something to say about this...

Larnaca, Anyone?

2006-04-05T08:16:00.000-05:00

I'm going to Larnaca!! Where is Larnaca, you ask? It's in Cyprus, of course... A friend of mine emailed me to let me know Alitalia just put Larnaca on a fantastic sale in October & November ($33+tax round trip in Business Class). If anyone wants to go with, let me know. I'll be going in October, and again right after the November election - don't worry about the date's we'll sort those out later since the fare is fully changeable and fully refundable. Also, we'll likely spend time in Milan and Rome since they're also allowing free stopovers there...

Currently confirmed are:

Kel
Jason M
johninaustintex
Will H
Senator S
Ann N
Damian C
Vanessa V

OK, so it's gone now. No more emails please. Orbitz informs me I will have the tickets in hand tomorrow. I will then get them to the people whose names are listed above and you'll be free to change them up however you like. Keep in mind you have unlimited stopovers, which means you can visit Toronto, New York, Boston, Milan, Rome and Larnaca all on this one ticket. That works out to about $5 per city on the base fare...

Tooling the Barcalounger to SFO

2006-04-03T21:56:00.000-05:00

I’m now flying over the Sierra Nevadas on my way back to Texas after one of the most memorable weekends I've had in a while. My friend J and I decided it would be a great idea to surprise our friend Kel for April Fool’s day by showing up at his apartment in San Francisco. This trip was of singular importance to me because it's the last time Kel, J & I will be together in one location for a very long time. Kel has already moved to San Francisco & next week, J is moving down to Central America. The excitement of the weekend was tempered by a near imperceptible melancholy.

J & I managed to shock Kel into dumbfounded silence. For those of you who know Kel, you know that’s rare. Kel invited us up to his "room", which, incedentally, is so goddamned small you couldn't yell at a cat without gettin a mouthful of fur. I don't know how he does it. After a tour of his room and the Crack House, the three of us trundled off to lunch and then to the little Italian bakery Kel insisted was the best in the world. I'm no bakery connoisseur, but I reckon he's likely right. Excellent Eclairs and knock-your-socks-off Napoleons. We also met the owner, who is a jewel of a woman who obviously thinks Kel is the best thing to come along since the sweatshop labor she must use to produce her food…

We did some shopping, and then we parted ways to nap and clean up for dinner. It was when we split up it finally penetrated my skull that my best friend has moved. I realized this isn’t some sort of fabulous extended vacation; rather, it is a life-changing move he has decided to make. I, of course, didn't give anyone the foggiest clue what I was thinking.

Dinner was at 8:00, and Kel brought a friend. We had dinner and headed to the local Cha Cha lounge for some early drinks and dancing. Frivolity ensued.

The next morning, I cleaned up for dim sum, which was at the strangest little tea room I've been to - not chinese in character at all. The walls were sherbet colored walls, minimalist decor and a hodgepodge of buddahs and chinese chotchskys. The look didn't really work, but they had great ha gow, so all was not lost. We did succeed in scaring off a family of five with our ribald conversation, so that was a plus. I'm not sure exactly which part of the conversation they found so offensive, but if I had to guess, I'd say it was Kel's friend's commentary on how he broke an, ahem, sexual aid without using his hands. Think about that one for a minute.

Upon leaving the cracked out tea room, we went to a Sunday Beer Bust. Now, I had heard lots all about this beer bust, and my expectations were high. I was fully prepared for some crazy shit to happen - none did. It was fun, but in a more subdued way than I thought. We met some interesting folks. Jason and I were mildly shocked by some of the things we saw and, as usual, Kel had befriended the entire bar before we called it a day.

The evening ended on a mellow note with Jason and I falling asleep while Kel & friends watched Grey’s Anatomy. They didn’t wake us up before leaving to go back to their regularly scheduled lives. That was probably a good thing, since I think it would likely have been akin to what my parents must have gone through when they shipped me off to boarding school. Them not waking me up didn't stop me, however, from waking up at 3:00AM to ponder my existance and moping for a bit about my friends leaving. Only after I realized Kelly is truly enjoying himself and has surrounded himself with truly great friends was I able to go back to bed.

And here I sit in a barcalounger, courtesy of American Airlines, headed back to Texas for a few more weeks of working my ass off until my next foray into the fabulous world that awaits beyond the Lone Star State.

Jet Lag in the Summer Time.

2006-03-29T01:29:00.000-06:00

So I got back from a trip, and now my body clock is all kinds of mesed up. I'm sitting here in my bed responding to emails and picking at some work stuff because I CANNOT go to sleep. Unfortunately I managed to be gone just long enough this weeked to really mess with my body clock.

I had originally planned to be gone just over the weekend, but events conspired against me. Or events conspired for me, depending on how you see it. Either way, I'm awake now, I have a 7AM meeting, and I'm not a happy camper. I will, however, say the backlit keyboard on my new MacBook Pro is a brilliant idea for those of us who don't touch type.

Oh, and just in case you're ever overseas around mid-March, please realize the European countries "Spring Forward" a week before the US. This tidbit of information would have proved useful to lots of folks I encountered on Sunday. Bless 'em. Details on the trip will be up shortly.

A few things about me. Me Me Me.

2006-03-27T02:18:00.000-06:00

1. I love to travel.

2. I am incredibly cheap.

3. I am a 6th Generation Texan and damned proud of it.

4. Efficiency is sexy.

5. My immediate family are very imprtant to me, but I could really give a rat's ass about most of my extended family.

6. It is difficult for someone to win my trust.

7. It is more difficult for someone to win my friendship.

8. I will do ANYTHING for my friends.

9. It's really difficult to get me mad.

10. Once in a pope's death, I get madder than a hungry lion gnawing on a skinny christian. If you happen to be around at one of those times, watch out.

11. I like to drink.

12. I am single.

13. I am reasonably good looking (my mamma tells me so).

14. I am an anglophile.

15. When things don't go my way, I smile, and I make some lemonade.

16. When I see other people popping veins in their neck because they're not getting their way, I laugh at them on the inside. I then note their behavior. One never knows when this might come in handy.

17. The one thing we have in Texas that's better than anything in the rest of the world is Whataburger. I have travelled pretty much everywhere, eaten at one, two and three Michelin star restaurants - there is still nothing better than Whataburger.

18. I'm usually very quiet.

19. I have a loud laugh.

20. I've only recently learned the power of a smile.

21. I can't imagine why more poeple don't smile. It's free, it makes others happy, and that, in turn makes you happy.

22. I am a serial monogamaist.

23. I sometimes try waaaaaay to hard too sound smart.

24. It's the thrill of the chase, not the satisfaction of the catch.

25. I'm a strong believer in the power of time. Time can make you rich, heal a rift, give you strength. Time is power. Our time is limited. Therefore, I've started paying much more attention to how I spend my time.

26. Everyone you meet has their own existence, and theirs is likely more complex than yours. Next time you think your life is sooooo dramatic/boring/fabulous, just think of all the lives going on out there around you, and realize what may be dramatic/fabulous/boring to you doesn't really amount to a hill of beans.

27. People's actions take on a whole new meaning when you say to yourself: "This person has evaluated all options and decided what they're doing now is the absolute best investment of time possible at this moment." That may or may not be true, but I prefer to think it is.

28. I believe in the power of the unfetterd market.

29. I think demagoguery is powerful, but I abhore demagogues.

30. I work for demagogues.

31. As I get older, I am increasingly risk averse in regard to my professional life, but remarkably risk-tolerant in my personal life.

32. I love being in foreign countries.

33. If I could have only one wish, it would be to communicate perfectly with every single person in the world, regardless of language or disability.

34. There are few things in life as wonderful as a good steak.

35. I'm not very good at making good steak.

36. I love hosting parties.

37. There is some satisfaction to sacrifice.

38. Sleep is a wonderful thing.

39. I like to cuddle.

40. My bed is one of the most important things I own.

41. I'll skimp on lots of things, but god help me if I ever buy cheap toilet paper.

42. I actually admire companies.

43. In many ways, I'm actually pretty liberal.

44. I want a dog.

45. I don't like obligations (duh).

46. I work in an industry that requires me to chit-chat about with people I don't know about 90% of the time.

47. I dread chit-chat.

48. I never make threats. There are those who cooperate with me and those who don't, and I have a long memory.

49. My nuclear family moves around a lot. I'm the youngest. I am also the one who has lived the most consecutive years in once location since graduating High School (that includes my parents).

50. I love to head off on random trips without telling a soul. This year I've been on secret trips to New York, London, Frankfurt and Portland. Nobody knows this but me and the folks at my frequent flyer desk. And now anyone who reads this blog knows too... How clever I must be.

51. These items are in no particular order. I figured I'd stop at #51 though. #51 was my football jersey in Jr. High & High School. My older brother was #51 too. He was first team All-State. I was second team All-District. My coaches were fond of reminding me All-District wasn't as good as All-State. Bastards.

Look Smart

2006-03-22T15:29:00.000-06:00

I've realized (or convinced myself) people give a completely subjecteive IQ score to everyone they meet. This is something you're not aware of, but it happens. The subjective IQ is comprised of many factors: looks, age, the wrinkles in your brow, the bushiness of your eyebrows, that dippy little grin on your face... Whatever it is, when you see someone for the first time, you give them a quotient.

Let's just say you see an 60 year old man. He's well groomed, smoking a pipe, wearing a cardigan, sensible shoes and has a furrowed brow, bushy eyebrows and a shock of white hair. This 60 year old man is going to seem to you to be more intelligent than the 21 year old in shorts and a statement-T with a puka shell necklace.

I have a colleague who looks smart. Let's call him Trevor. Trevor is just a few years older than me (he's 31), but he has all the goods to make him look intelligent: wrinkled brow, an endless supply of sweaters & sweater vests (even though we're in Fucking TEXAS...), he's got some grey around the temples, and a dignified waistline. Since Trevor has the goods, everyone just assumes the guy is a rocket scientist.

Trevor NEVER talks. I mean, this guy takes silent to an entirely new level. He's silent unless spoken to. If you ask him a question, he dodges: "I think we're on the same page on that." or "You know I was thinking about that this morning, and I reached the same conclusion you did" and so on. So, of course, people all think their ideas are brilliant, Trevor's ideas are all the same as everyone else's, ipso facto, Trevor is brilliant.

Initially when i dealt with Trevor, I thought he was intelligent, but lazy. That's a pretty common combination in my line of work. All this changed one day when I put him on the spot in front of his boss. His boss isn't a particular fan of mine, and he didn't like a proposal I had made, so he turns to reliable Trevor and asks: "Trevor, what do you think?" Trevor comes up with a typical sycophantic response.

This pisses me off because I know what's going on, and I want the Boss Man to take responsibility for shooting my idea down. Of course I can't piss off the boss, so I take it out on poor Trevor. I start asking him questions about the proposal. He handles these with considerable aplomb. I am impressed. I then lead Trevor into a one-sided, yes/no discussion of the merits of my proposal. At strategic points along the way, I ensure he has the backing of his boss on the conculsions I am leading him to draw. Then I lead him back to the previous question:

Me: "Do you support my proposal?"

Trevor: No.

Me: "But you just said X, Y, & Z, and your boss just agreed with you. The only things in this proposal are X, Y, & Z. Therefore if you support X, Y & Z, you also support this proposal."

Trevor's boss knew Trevor had let him down by not responding and, being the classy guy he is, Boss Man smiled and said: "Looks like you're right. Now that you put it that way, I guess I do support your proposal. Thanks for coming over to discuss. Trevor, stick around".

Trevor must've had an ass chewing, because he shows up in my office just a few moments later and shuts the door behind him. As he berates me, I realize he is not intelligent at all. Trevor is about as bright as the paperweight he has just picked up off my desk.

That brings me back to my first point.

Trevor looks intelligent, and he's quiet. Until Trevor was coming unglued and demonstrating he doesn't have two brain cells to rub together to form a complete sentence, I thought silent folks were, as a rule, intelligent. Now I realize that's not always the case.

Maybe people are silent becuase they have nothing to say. Maybe they're silent because they're contemplating the origins of the universe. Maybe they're not saying anything because god blessed them with good looks and a persona that projects intellignece, but not a brain to match.

All that to say this: I am no longer going to assume quiet people are smart. As a matter of fact, if there's a quiet, smart-looking person around, I'm going to assume they're dumb as a box of hair until they prove otherwise.

Thanks Trevor. You really taught me a lesson today.

Harrumph.